How to Ask for a Warm Intro
Using Transitive Trust to Expand Your Professional Network
Welcome to Hu Knows! Twice a month, I share practical, actionable career advice from my experiences working in Wall Street and Silicon Valley.
On a personal note, I’m thrilled to share that Hu Knows hit 500+ subscribers last week! Since launching this newsletter less than 2 months ago, I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of positive feedback I have received. Whether you’re new here or have been with me since Day 1, thank you for your support! As long as you keep engaging with my content and sharing it with others, I’ll keep on writing. ✍🏼
Now, onto today’s topic: how to ask for a warm intro.
(This is part 2 of a 4-part series of newsletters on Effective Networking.)
In my last newsletter, we discussed the Golden Rule of networking — that it is a two-way street — and previewed four powerful techniques for building your network, depending on your audience:
✅ Engage your existing network (1st-degree connections)
Ask for a warm intro (2nd-degree connections)
Send a personalized cold email (3rd+ degree connections)
Offer to help others (All connections)
Today, we’ll be diving into Technique #2: how to ask for a warm intro. This approach brings 2nd-degree connections into your 1st-degree circle by leveraging the premier currency that underpins all human relationships: trust.
The Power (and Limits) of Transitive Trust
Warm intros are effective because they leverage the power of transitive trust. Let’s say you have established trust with someone, and they have established trust with the person you ultimately want to connect with. If your mutual contact vouches for you, you’ll have a better chance at establishing trust with that 2nd-degree connection.
But there are limits to transitive trust:
When you ask someone for an intro, they aren't obligated to help you — and neither is the person they are potentially introducing you to. If you can show that you add value to the person you want to connect with, your mutual contact is more likely to accept your request because their relationship will benefit as well.
Many introducers, especially well-connected “supernodes,” are bombarded with requests for intros daily. Make it easy for them to help you by doing the heavy lifting up front.
Before You Begin…
Clarify your goal.
Before you reach out, clarify the outcome you’re striving for. Although your interaction shouldn’t be transactional, people are better able to help if you have a clear goal, whether it’s finding a new job, raising money, or forging a new strategic partnership.
Decide if an intro is the best way to achieve your goal.
Due to the high level of effort and trust required, a warm intro may not be the most efficient way to achieve your goal. For example, if your goal is to learn about someone’s career path, first check to see if they’ve written any articles or blog posts on the topic. If you want to break into a new industry or role, there are plenty of books, classes and online communities you can join to build your skills and broaden your network at the same time.
Determine your value-add.
If an intro is the best path forward, figure out what value you bring to the person you want to meet:
Goals: what are their priorities? How can you help them achieve them?
Values: what are their core values and beliefs? Do they have a personal or professional mission? As Simon Sinek said, “People don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it. What you do simply proves what you believe.”
Challenges: how can you help solve their challenges or mitigate their problems?
By putting their needs first, you lay the foundation for a strong and mutually-beneficial relationship.
Crafting Your Request
Now that you’ve clarified your goals, done your research and determined your value-add, it’s time to ask for an introduction.
1. Pick the right contact.
Quality always beats quantity. Avoid the tactic of “spray and pray” by asking someone you already trust. This could be a mentor, close friend or colleague that you have a strong working relationship with.
2. Clearly state your motive.
“Hi [Mutual Contact], I’m reaching out to let you know that I’m [state your goal]. I noticed you are connected to [2nd-degree Connection] at [XYZ Company], and I’d love to chat with them about [state your reason].”
3. Include an Exit Clause.
“I understand that you’re busy and that this is a big ask, so I’ve included a short blurb below to make the intro as easy as possible. If you’re open to connecting us, I would deeply appreciate it! If not, no worries — either way, I hope you’re well.”
4. Include a “forward-able” email.
Include a short blurb that your mutual contact can copy, paste, and send. This should be a few sentences long (think Twitter summary, not full-length bio) and clearly state who you are, why you want to meet this person, and what value you bring to them.
This approach has two benefits. First, it takes the pressure (and work) off of your mutual contact to write the perfect intro email and reduces the chance that they mischaracterize you or your goals. Second, you effectively get to write your own “recommendation letter,” creating a strong first impression in your own words.
If Your Mutual Contact Agrees…
If your mutual contact agrees to facilitate the intro, wait for the “double opt-in.” This is when your mutual contact asks the 2nd-degree connection for permission before introducing you to each other. Most people hate being looped into an email thread without being asked first, so be patient!
When the intro happens,
Respond ASAP (within the same day, ideally within hours).
Thank the introducer and move them to BCC.
Re-iterate how excited you are to meet, and what you’re hoping to accomplish.
Offer 3-5 specific dates, time ranges and locations to meet. Assure them that you are flexible to their schedule and preferences.
Send them a calendar invite if / when they confirm.
Time is everyone’s most valuable asset, so make the most of it by coming prepared. Research the person, company and role thoroughly before your meeting, and ask thoughtful questions (nothing generic you can find on Google).
If Your Mutual Contact Declines…
If your mutual contact is hesitant or unwilling to make the intro, let it be. Not everyone is comfortable sharing their networks with others, especially when their reputation is on the line. Respect people’s boundaries and the limits they are willing to go to to help you.
Following Up
After your conversation, thank your introducer and let them know it went. Did you land a job? Did you get funding? Did you make a new friend? Tell them if this person was or wasn’t helpful so they can decide whether or not to pass more people their way. Regardless, express appreciation and keep them in the loop on your future endeavors and successes.
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Until next time,
Kristina